The only thing to fear is fear itself ...

Deborah says:
FDR said that in 1933 and it’s still pretty topical. See, I’m not scared of anything really. Well except mice – and that’s a whole other story – go to @DebNicAuthor if you want to find out who wins, me or the mouse.

But other than that – I know no fear. I love change, new situations, new learning opportunities. Except when it comes to my routine. Then I fear change. Routine saves me. Remember, I said routine, not rut. I know I have my elliptical trainer, my yoga mat and some weights in my Condo and I have a gym across the hall. I know I have a pool a 1.6 kilometre walk away. I know if I’m busy at night, I can get up, walk to the pool, swim for 45 minutes, walk to work and have all my working out done for the day.

I know I have healthy food in my home and pantry, so that if I’m having some sort of crazy snack/hunger attack and I decide to eat – even my bad snacks aren’t going to be so bad. I know I’ve usually got about 30 healthy frozen dinners in my freezer, along with individual pre-marinated chicken, beef and pork (pre-marinated by me so I know what’s in it). I know I’ve got packages of frozen veggies, steamed rice, so I can have dinner ready in well under 30 minutes. I know I’ve got healthy canned goods and usually a sweet potato, spaghetti squash and a few other fresh vegetables floating around.

I know that no matter what comes my way – I’m ready and I can face it. And then I have to go away!!! F – E – A – R.

Yeah, there goes my routine, my pre-planning and sometimes even my good intentions (usually halfway through the second margarita). So do I decide to never go on vacation again? Don’t think so – I have this healthy new body that actually fits in an airline seat now – I’d like to use it. So I just do the best I can. Again, so much of this is insight.

For me, I know that I can’t just let it all go for a week or two – I know that in two weeks I can do a major amount of damage to my good intentions, and then it’s so hard to get back on those new/healthy/exercise brain pathways I’ve put down. So I try and stick to my plan as closely as I can. I find breakfast easy – you can get eggs or oatmeal or yogurt almost anywhere. Add some veggies (huevos rancheros anyone) or fresh fruit in the yogurt and you’re good to go. And I try and remember things like granola in any language means roasted in butter.

For lunch, I try and stick to what I would have at home as well, lots of veggies, salad, dressing on the side or at least light. Even if there’s sandwiches, have it open faced and get rid of half the bread.
Dinner can be a little harder – lots of sauces and things. But if I stick to lots of vegetables with that fish with Bernaise sauce, I’m still not doing too badly.

I always carry snacks with me – steal some cheese and fruit off that breakfast buffet – and I try and avoid the dessert tables. For me, I’d rather have an extra tropical alcoholic adventure than a so-so chocolatey dessert. It is your choice, but you have to remember you can’t have it all.

I also factor in exercise. Go for a run or brisk walk on the beach in the morning. Actually swim some laps in the pool before you belly up to the bar, horseback ride, play tennis, snorkel. There’s so much to do in these great resorts that you have no excuse not to be active every day. When I’m in a big city (ah Paris) I walk everywhere. No taxis. If I can put 15 kilometres on my feet every day, I can fit in a pastry or two.

And then I come home, I get on the scale, I assess the good and the bad and I get back into my routine IMMEDIATELY. If I want to reminisce, I look at pictures, I don’t make Bernaise sauce.

The most important thing to remember is that if you don't stick to your plan - don't hate! I try really hard to stick to it, and get better and better every time. But behavioural changes are slow, steady and require a lot of repetition. I swear that every year I gain ten pounds before I start losing again. Don't give up, get back on the horse right away and don't be so hard on yourself.

Happy holidays!

Arlene says:
I’m just back from the Mexican holiday; safe and sound and only 3lbs heavier. Pretty good for me considering the sudden addition of daily drinks like pina coladas. I managed to avoid the desserts and if there was a second plate at the buffet it was always salad. I found the biggest challenge the activity level. The warmth and sun seem to encourage slow and easy walks and simply sitting and reading is so seductive. In the past I have gained 5lbs a holiday so I’m not unhappy with this result. Next time I will do better again, because I know for me it is the activity link. So my plan is to add pool time and see if that helps. Making change is always about small steps and then building on them. No beating myself up. Plus, now I’m back I’m walking every day and enjoying the sense of energy.

Will I Ever Learn???

Deb Says:
So today is Saturday and even though it’s the weekend, I’m a fairly busy person and I usually have a bit of a plan or routine for the day. For example, today my schedule was up at 6:30, work on the blog, have breakfast, go for an hour’s swim, go to the rehearsal for my children’s play, get groceries, tidy up the house a bit, and then meet a friend for dinner later. If I had time, I was going to try and fit in a little walk, as well. But the rehearsal got cancelled. Suddenly my day was free. So I slept in until 7:45, which for me is an incredible rarity, packed my swim bag, made an omelette, watched a little bit of the news this morning, surfed some blogs for a while and then went swimming. Even remembered my grocery list! I had a good swim, took my time in the shower, got dressed and headed for the grocery store. I got everything on my list and ONLY things on my list (so proud when I do that, as it is my intention) and headed for the checkout. Now, to be honest, I had been getting a little grumbly/hungry for the last couple of aisles. You see, under normal circumstances I never go swimming without a “recovery snack” for when I’m finished. But today, with my routine out the window, my recovery snack was in the fridge at home. I was trying to use distraction while I was still shopping, and it worked, sort of. But once I was at the checkout, and the rows and rows of chocolate bars in their pretty packages were staring back at me, I was in trouble. So what happens? I start talking myself into them.


Oh, Smarties! There’s hardly any chocolate in those at all, there can’t be that many calories. Oh look, an Aero Bar – it’s like filled with air, so there’ll be less chocolate in there than the other bars. A Coffee Crisp – I haven’t had one of those for years. Oh, Kit Kat, I could just break off one finger of it and save the rest for later.

What did I do? I pushed my cart forward, unloaded my groceries, paid for my groceries, took them out to my car. As I was loading my car, I ate one of the bananas I had bought. I kept focusing on the fact that if I had a chocolate bar now, I couldn’t have the “dessert” I wanted for supper tonight (my original plan: while watching Once Upon a Time I would have a small bowl of rice krispies with peanut butter and chocolate sauces drizzles over them – a snack that is moderately healthy and reminds me of a chocolate bar).

As I drove home, I reflected on my win – sticking to my original plan after all that temptation. Was I happy? Was I proud? Hell no!!! I was hungry and had low blood sugar. Nothing was going to help. But slowly, the banana started to work, and as soon as I was home I made a smoothie with fruit, a bit of honey, skim milk and a quarter cup of no fat Greek yogurt and slurped that while I was unpacking the groceries. And finally I started feeling better.

So will I ever learn? Yes, but it’s going to take a while.

Arlene Says:
Honesty. Well I wish that was easier. Why is it that everything worth doing is HARD! In our book we talk a lot about the work needed. It is not easy for anyone. Often it ends up being mirror therapy -- if you spoke to yourself like you do to a friend the ideas and support would be great. You say to your friend: “It has been a tough start to 2012, you had plans and are off track already and that is discouraging. Let’s look at the plans, where could you make it easier for yourself? “ Pretend the mirror is your friend and encourage.

Caregiver Fatigue

Deb Says:
I have never thought of myself as a Diva or High Maintenance (well maybe if you talk to some of the men I’ve dated you’ll get a different answer – LOL) but recently I’m beginning to wonder. I’m starting to think I’m really hard work and it’s exhausting looking after myself.

I mean the conversations in my head alone – some days I feel like I’m looking after a petulant child:

I don’t want to get up.
The alarm is ringing – turn it off and get your ass out of bed.
But it’s warm in here.
We said we were going to go to the gym this morning, remember?
But I worked out yesterday, I can skip today.
No, we said we were going to work out five days a week this week. We have to go today or we’re going to get behind.
Then I’ll do twice as much tomorrow, okay?
Get your ass out of bed!
(throwing back covers) Fine! But I’m not going to enjoy this!

And then thirty minutes later:
I feel SOOOO good. I love getting up and doing workouts in the mornings!

You kind of start to understand how your mother felt, huh? Nag, nag, nag and no thanks afterwards. It’s like that with food, too. All these conversations in my head about what to eat, what not to eat, how it’s okay to just sneak this in, because I worked out extra hard, or it’s a special event, or it’s okay to have a special treat today because it’s a day with a “Y” in it. Do you feel like this sometimes? Like everything is a negotiation in your brain? Like everything is a discussion or argument or trying to convince yourself into the choices you’ve made?

I remember reading it only took six weeks to build up a new habit. But here I am, four years later, still trying to nail down these habits? And there are days where I am tired or stressed or haven’t eaten well where I am exhausted and just want to take the day off from being a caregiver. And on those days, I try to remember that for 30 years I didn’t look after myself, it’s going to take a few more than four years to have these new habits as strong as the old ones, don’t you think? And as I’m walking towards the bag of chocolate chips, just to have a couple, I remember what my life was like before I started to take care of myself, and then I change direction and grab the turkey bacon and egg whites for breakfast!

Arlene Says:
I am new to both reading and writing blogs. I find that phrases pop out for me a lot, they resonate. Sometimes the phrase resonates because I am there too or have been there. Sometimes the phrase resonates because the person is so clearly lying. Lying to themselves about what they are choosing, giving away power by giving away choices. You can hear the “yes, but” in the background, the excuses - “that’s just the way I am”, really? Deb’s word for this year is Intention. I think my word has to be Honesty. I need to get honest about what I’m doing and the effort I’m putting in. I also need to get honest about what I really care about ... staying healthy, getting healthier and stronger and really living in the moment.

Introducing Us

Kelly Sullivan, Deborah Nicholson and Arlene Cox

Beware the Buffet

Deborah Says:
What did you do over the holidays? If you’re like Arlene and me, you probably hit at least one party or one restaurant where there was an ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET. The buffet is a minefield for anyone trying to change their lifestyle.

Chances are the one at your best friend’s party is full of your favourite treats, none of which you made this year because you didn’t want to have them around, and so you spend four hours staring at them, trying to decide if it’s worth it or not. And all the while, you’re drinking wine or some other alcoholic concoction designed to make you say “yes, yes, yes” when you really want to say “no, no, no.” And then before you know it, you’ve sampled a peanut butter ball, two Nanaimo bars, a few chicken wings, some Swedish meatballs, several shortbread cookies and the cutest little sugar cookie decorated to look like a Christmas tree. Meanwhile, there’s an extra 900 or so calories that you didn’t really plan to consume. And that’s before we count the cocktails! Three of these parties and you’ve just gained a pound.

And then there’s the restaurant buffet. Luckily I didn’t get stuck at one of those this year, but it’s a whole other psychological minefield. There’s something about paying $22.95 for dinner that makes you really, really, really want to get your money’s worth. First you have the plate of appetizers. Next, there’s the plate of salad, with the buns – and those little tubs of restaurant butter. Mmmm butter. Do you know that each of those little containers is a tablespoon? Yes, that’s 36 calories and 4 grams of fat (saturated fat to make it worse). And to think, I used to use three to four of those butter tubs per bun at a restaurant. And I usually had two to three buns. After the salad, there’s the main course, full of yummy things in cream sauces and gravies that I would never make at home, so I have to try a bit of each. And then dessert. So basically, if you’ve worked it right, you’ve had four pretty full dinner plates of food at one meal. But you got your money’s worth.

So what’s a girl going to do?

Well there are some hard truths. First truth is I rarely go to buffets anymore. It’s just too difficult to limit and/or measure my portions. But if I wind up in front of a table of food at a friend’s house, I make sure I have something in my hands to keep them busy (a straw in one hand, a glass of water in another). I do have some alcohol, but I am very careful. I know the more alcohol I ingest, the more I am going to lose track of my INTENTION (notice how I skilfully managed to bring my word of the year into this blog? It is the word of the year, after all). And I don’t look. I find someone funny or cute or intelligent to chat with, and turn myself away from the table. Nothing worse than staring and drooling all night long. And if I’m weak and feel that resolve sagging? I leave. With great apologies and thanks to the hosts, but I’m outta there.

As to the buffet, again, you have to plan before you go and state your intention. I know a lot of people always say “fill up on veggies first.” But I have seen people fill up an entire dinner plate with veggies and then go back for salad and then the entrée. I think what they meant for you to do was to fill up at least half your plate with veggies, the other half with entrées and then do NOT go back for more. That’s what I do. And I choose the entrées carefully. Of course they all taste so good – restaurant food is laden with high fat creams and butter to make it slide sensually over our palate – but I know that my intent is not to ingest that much fat in one week, let alone one meal. And again, choose your chair facing away from the buffet. There have been studies done about people that face the buffet and those that face away. Anyone want to guess who ate more?

And lastly, remember, it’s not really about the buffet, it’s about the season and the people you’re with. Enjoy them. And then get on the exercise bike first thing the morning after!

Arlene Says:
Seriously, we should spell Christmas, B-U-F-F-E-T. I did go to one of those deadly restaurant buffets, for New Years. I did have a plan before going. My Implementation Intentions were around “IF they have (buns, butter, salad) THEN I will not put them on my plate. Yep, not even salad. I know that if I choose salad, which takes up a lot of space, I will go for a second plateful. If I only choose hot food, with half of my plate vegetables, then I can stay with my plan of only one plate. It worked. It was hard and like Deb I made sure my chair faced away from the food. I also spent time being mindful, ate slowly, enjoyed the mashed potatoes (I don’t get those at home) and the prime rib. As I took my time I became aware of people around me -- piling up food on their plate, going back for multiple plates, stacking dessert onto plates. It made me aware of that behaviour and how out of control it looked, perhaps as Deb suggested, wanting to get their money’s worth. Hmmm, it can go to waste on the buffet, on my plate, or in my tummy, but too much is always a waste.

Another thing I learned this Christmas is the impact glucose levels have on choice. Yale University researchers have demonstrated that if our glucose levels are low we find high calorie foods more enticing. If we maintain glucose levels with healthy foods it is easier to avoid eating or making unhealthy choices. So next time I am at my friend’s Christmas dinner party maybe my plan needs to be two to one, veggies to almond bark and it may be easier to stop at 2!

The Book

Stop Lying is due out in January 2012. Written by Deborah, Arlene and Kelly, it gives you realistic tools to lose weight and keep weight off. The authors range from morbidly obese (formerly) Deborah, overweight Arlene and regular weight (but has to work hard to maintain that) Kelly. They bring their personal and professional experiences to light in this soul bearing self help book.

Available in eBook:








and paperback:

Hi, we're moving the blog over here from our website www.stoplyingnow.com

Let me introduce us.

Deborah:

I've lost 140 pounds so far - and am still going!













Arlene:





















Kelly:


Working hard to make sure my pants fit!