I heard it through the grapevine

Deborah says:
I read recently that one of the secrets of successful weight losers/maintainers is that they share – they go public. Don’t keep it a secret. Well, obviously if you’re losing weight, it’s not going to be a secret for long, people will notice. But when I first read about going public, I thought that was crazy (forget that fact that I’ve written a book about it www.stoplyingnow.com) for a minute. Generally, I’m a private person and pick and choose who I share things with. But then I stopped and thought about it. And I realized a shared a lot. I reached out a lot. I got help where ever and from whomever I could.

Dietitian: I was lucky, I worked with Kelly. And though I tried hard not to cross a line and ask for purely personal advice, I did have lots of spirited discussions with her about different foods, different components of food, theories about diets and lots of other stuff. I learned a ton from her.

Kinesiologist: Again, I work with both kinesiologists and physiotherapists. Again, I tried hard not to cross the line between asking generalized questions and getting a personal training plan, but I learned tons about exercise, burning calories, fitness, injury, recovery, stretching and lots of other things.

Healthy people: I work with a woman names Sue, who is a few years older than me and a marathon runner. She had a fit healthy body I would kill for. I loved to talk to her about what she ate, how she lived and her fitness routine. I started to model my lifestyle after hers in small ways. When she was training for a marathon, I matched her training schedule in the gym (I am not a runner) with mileage on treadmill, stairmaster and bike – including the 26 mile marathon day. I was so proud of that.

Psychologist: My favourite thing in the world to do is to find Arlene in her office, free of clients, and willing to discuss something I’ve read with her. We talk about all the recent weight loss press (hormones, recidivism, etc) , we talk about addictions, we talk about brain pathways … we talk about the most fascinating and interesting things. And all of these talks have hlped me gain a better understanding of how my insides actually function and gain insight into change.

Now I know what you’re going to say – I got to work with all these people, had free and unlimited access to them. Yes, I did. But I didn’t take advantage of it for the first three years I worked with them. I reached out when I finally realized I didn’t want to die young and fat. But just because you don’t work with these people, doesn’t mean you can’t access them. Most company health plans will pay for these kinds of consultations. Yours doesn’t? Find a training school. Most of the above have to do internships or work with clients for a certain number of hours before they are certified and why not take advantage of that? Call your City Recreation Department, lots of great services there. Some indexed to your income. And every city has free psychological counselling you can access.

Remember how I said you were going to have to work hard to change your lifestyle? I meant it. These people didn’t make me lose weight. They taught me lots of helpful things. But I sought them out, and I made the changes. Now you go and do the same thing!

Butternut Squash Mash

Seriously, I have found the answer to mashed potatoes. Didn't think mashed potatoes were a question that needed answering? Read this!


I love mashed potatoes but you sure do take a hit on calories (273) and fat (17.5g). Sometimes with these big dinner-days (Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving) I let myself have some, but I pay for them - either by passing on dessert or doing a bit more in the gym.

But this year, I have accidentally stumbled across a replacement for mashed potatoes that gives me the mouth feel and brain feel that I require from this food to feel satisfied. And it's a much healthier alternative (calories: 149.5, fat: 6.3 plus almost 5 grams of fibre) - fitting more with these intentions I keep talking about.


Here's how I did it.

Butternut Squash Mash
Butternut squash - about 20 ounces/560 grams
2 cups spinach (baby or chopped)
3 cloves garlic
2 teaspoon olive oil
1 tablespoon maple syrup
3 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese
Olive oil spray or olive oil flavoured cooking spray
salt and pepper to taste

Take 1 butternut squash or 1 bag of butternut squash cubes (20 ounces, about 560 grams). Place on pan sprayed with cooking spray, and then spray with olive oil cooking spray. Roast in 400 degree oven until fork tender.

While squash is roasting, heat 2 tsp of olive oil in nonstick pan with garlic (to taste) and spinach until spinach is wilted. Remove to a large bowel. Add 1/4 cup low fat cream cheese, 1 tablespoon maple syrup and 3 tablespoons of grated parmesan cheese.

Add hot roasted butternut squash and mash. Should make four good servings. Calories/fat/fibre as above!

I guess now I can have my cake and eat it too?

So forget food, what's your happiest Easter memory that doesn't involve 1200 calories?

For me, family days always meant a rollicking game of cards or Stockticker. Two solid hours of laughs and chats around the table with parents and aunts and uncles and kids. I loved those times.

Lent ends, let the chocolate feasting begin!

Happy Easter and happy long weekend everyone!

Deborah says:
The double whammy. First of all, you gave up something for Lent (and why is it almost always food?) and 40 days later you’re ready to chow down again PLUS some crazy person decided we should all receive chocolate for being such good people! Where to start?

Okay, Lent. Now, I’m not practicing any sort of religion now that requires me to observe Lent (or Easter for that matter) but I did give something up for Lent, as did most of my non-religious friends. And what’s interesting is that for most of us, it was some type of food. I find that in itself so interesting, that we all have eating behaviors that bother us so much we feel we have to give them up for 40 days. I gave up peanut butter, but I gave up the behavior of peanut butter, not the food? Is that crazy? I’ve allowed myself to still use peanut butter in cooking (i.e. a few tablespoons in curries, etc.). What I gave up was snacking on it. My snack of a single cracker with peanut butter had evolved into crackers with peanut butter and sprinkled with chocolate chips and then a spoon dipped into peanut butter and then the bag of chocolate chips, and then repeat several times. It was a problem for me.
But when I gave it up for Lent, I actually meant I gave it up. Period. Lent was my excuse. I read once where a common behavior in alcoholics is to give up drinking for days, weeks, months just to prove they CAN. I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is, what does that say about us giving up food for Lent? And you know me, it’s about the Stop Lying stuff, so I feel that if I feel strongly enough about giving something up for any period of time, I need to investigate the behavior a little closer, and maybe it’s something I need to remediate altogether.

As to the chocolate. Fuck me. A holiday where there is chocolate laying around everywhere. And crappy chocolate. I mean those Easter Bunnies are disgusting, I don’t actually know how they can call them chocolate because I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in them that even resembles chocolate anymore. They taste awful, I don’t really enjoy them, but I eat them. And then the Devil himself invented things like Cadbury’s Easter Cream Eggs or Caramilk Eggs. And then every other candy manufacturer invented some sort of egg-shaped variation of their treats. And then they spend gazillions of dollars advertising the damned things with every other commercial on TV so that I can’t even enjoy my favourite shows without some sort of temptation. I hate the Easter Bunny! It’s crazy – chocolate isn’t even a big deal for me normally (unless it’s attached to peanut butter coating a spoon). I don’t think about chocolate all the time, I appreciate a nice bite of good chocolate, but it doesn’t make me crazy, keep me up nights. But I do think the month-long battering we take before the actual event is what makes me become a month long choco-holic, avoiding checkout lines everywhere.

Do I have a plan? Well, my intentions are not to eat any of these chocolate treats. I could allow myself one or two or seven and just adjust my eating, but for me, chocolate is not important enough and if it were, I would make sure it was premium chocolate, not this chemical filled fake sugar laden fat heavy goop. So I intend not to eat any of this crazy chocolate to celebrate Easter. Instead, I’m going to use it as an excuse to make turkey – one of my favourite things in the world. And I’m not inviting anyone else to share it – I’m making this for me. This way, I get a nice dinner one night, and I get turkey in the freezer for meals and snacks, and I get a great big pot of turkey curry soup. Now, I’m not lying, none of this gives me the same immediate thrill that chocolate does, even the crappy stuff, but it makes me happy and in the long term, when my “treats” (my least favourite word in the world by the way) meet my intentions, I’m a way happier person than any tiny release of dopamine from a fat rush can give me.

How do you handle Easter?

Arlene says:

The alcoholic giving up alcohol for a week, month or more to prove they can is very common. You know it’s a problem when the entire time they are counting down to the day they can start again. When thoughts of the drink they would have if they could keep coming up over and over, it’s a problem. Yes, it works for food too, you know you have a problem when… you think of (fill in favourite food here) all the time; you plan for your next opportunity to have ____; you organize your life so ______ seems a rational choice and Easter is brutal for providing “rational” choices. We buy goodies for family and friends, and perhaps don’t give it all away. We receive goodies from family and friends and then are “obligated” to eat it. We use the LIE, “I don’t want it to go to waste.”

Make other choices. It really is that simple. Stop Lying about the reasons and make other choices for what you are giving to your family and friends; do not buy chocolate. If Easter is about getting together with family, then just do that.

Remember when it was about real eggs? There’s nothing wrong with eggs, healthy, protein filled, excellent vitamin sources. Maybe we need to go back to tradition and give pretty eggs, have fun making pretty eggs. If chocolate seems “essential”, then limit it to one high quality chocolate gift.

There are many options, but the most important step is making a decision, before you are surrounded by chocolate, about what you are buying, why and for whom.

I dare you!

Deborah says:
Have you ever given yourself a food challenge? I find sometimes it’s easy to get bored or in a rut with food. For example a salad with some sort of protein on it every night for a week? Apples are on sale – so they are the only fruit I eat for a week. So when I’m bored or my weight has plateaued, I will issue myself a challenge.
• I will eat only lean proteins for a week (fish, tofu, etc.)
• No canned foods for a week.
• No boxed foods for a week.
• Five fish meals in a week.

It really changes the way you eat for the duration of your challenge. You have to think, instead of do dinner on autopilot, you have to plan and shop and chop. It also changes how you feel. For example, I really love the way I feel when I eat lean proteins. Now, I can’t keep it up forever, sometimes I just want a pork chop, but I usually do two or three lean protein months every year. And it helps me remember how good I feel when I eat lean proteins, and it helps remind me to eat more lean proteins as a regular part of my diet, because I feel better when I do.

One week I challenged myself to eat no packaged foods of any type for a week (boxed or canned). And that was a hard, hard week. It surprised me, actually, what a challenge it was. And I’m a person that likes to cook from scratch. But imagine spaghetti sauce without canned tomatoes or tomato paste? Eggs without bacon, turkey bacon, ham slices, sausage? (though I made some creative omelets). Soup stocks made from scratch, no boxes or bouillon cubes.! That was actually the toughest challenge I ever gave myself.

I’ve also given myself an exercise challenge. My baseline is 30 minute of walking a day and 20 minutes of cardio 5 days a week, with some sort of strength training at least three times a week. In the style of Weight Watchers, I give myself points for exercise – 1 for every 15 minutes of leisure/easy workout, 2 points for 15 minutes of moderate and 2 points for every 10 minutes of OMG I can’t breathe workout. Over the Christmas holidays, while I was off work, I challenged myself to hit 100 points a week. Again, it kept me moving during almost ten days of enforced vacation, and it gave me leg muscles of absolute steel. Plus, a good sweat always makes me happy. And I did it, by the way, 106 points the first week, 96 points the second week (I lost out on New years day because I had a flood).

So if you’re bored, toss down the gauntlet to yourself (and your family) and challenge yourself with something and shake up your routine a bit.

Arlene says:
What a great idea! I love the idea of breaking out of the food rut. My husband teases me that I only cook five different meals, with some slight variations. I agree it would be tough to avoid all boxes and cans for a week, but what would fit for me is the new meal with new ingredients. One of my best friends gave me a a cookbook, Spilling the Beans, and I think I will take that on for the next few weeks. At least one new recipe a week which uses something out of my usual five. Hmmm how will I do?

What do you mean I can't do it all?

Deborah says:
Probably the biggest single mistake I made all the other times I tried to lose weight, and the biggest single mistake I read about on the blogosphere, is trying to do it all at once. Write that down somewhere – it’s important!

Ever heard this one: You didn’t gain all this weight in (a day, a month, a year) so how do you expect to lose it that quickly? FUCK I hate that. But it’s true. Damn.

Let’s take the example of a blog I just read – this poor girl is struggling to hit her goal weight and has set herself the lofty goal of losing 40 some pounds in four and a half months. To start with, I have to say unless you’re a 20 year old guy, that’s a pretty aggressive goal – but we’ll talk about that another day. So her first week of changes to finally reach this goal weight? Dusting off the running shoes and hitting the streets, drinking two litres of water a day, no sweets or chocolates, regular workouts besides the running, journaling, eating on diet plan, to bed early and regular grocery shopping. Wow! I’ve been doing this for four and a half years and barely have all that figured out.
You didn’t gain all this weight in a week. How can you expect to totally change your life in a week?

When we recently had our book launch party (www.fireescape.com) I said I had tried every diet in the world until I found out the one simple thing I had to do to be successful: completely change my lifestyle!
I had to:
• change my portion sizes
• cut down on fats
• cut down on refined foods
• eat more natural foods
• cook and chop more
• shop regularly
• menu plan
• journal
• exercise
• move more (can’t exercise for 20 minutes and sit on the couch the rest of the night)
• learn new activities
• find more active friends
• learn to shop
• experiment with baking
• pack lunches
• drink water
• learn about nutrition• learn about exercise
• stretch
• sleep better/more

And that’s only the start of it. The hard part was keeping it up. But what I didn’t do was sabotage myself by setting up impossible goals and lifestyle changes. Even me, a person who thrives on change and pressure, could not have survived a week changing everything at once. I not only would have wound up having a huge binge, I would have started drinking and probably smoking too.

No, think of it this way. A journey of 100 pounds begins with one change. Or something like that.

The thought of dieting (which is what I used to call it) for five years and making all these changes slowly but surely did not appeal to me. I wanted to lose 100 pounds in a year. Two pounds a week, right? Wrong. Never worked before, so I was pretty sure it wouldn’t work this time. So I had to change one thing at a time. For me it was portion sizes. I pulled out the measuring cups and I measured everything. I didn’t even limit myself on seconds – but I did require a 20 minute waiting period in between rounds. And I didn’t change anything else until I was really comfortable with that first change. After that I added 10 minutes of exercise a day (above the walking to work that I already did). And then slowly but surely, for almost five years now, I have changed something and then gotten used to it before I changed anything else. And it’s working.

Not that it’s easy. Not that life just magically got perfect. It’s hard and slow and painful some days. But every day I make the choice to love myself, not to sabotage myself and get into that crazy cycle of guilt and self-hate that ruins everything you’re trying to do.

Love yourself enough to let yourself succeed this time. You really deserve it – because, damn, you’re going to work hard for it!

Arlene says:
It is absolutely about solidifying a change before we make a new one. The brain will only change if the new pattern is repeated over and over. We will feel overwhelmed if changes keep coming and there is no routine to rely on. Change takes attention. Paying attention is work. The more changes at one time the more work. Too much work and we get tired, low energy and have less motivation. Low motivation and the new changes seem too onerous, demanding and difficult. Why not go back to the old way, just for a short time, just this once … what do you think happens next?

The only way to build on change is to stay with one new thing until it takes less work to do it or think of it, until it becomes familiar and even semi-comfortable. Then we try adding another new thing.

Honour the fact that change is work and give yourself a chance for success.

What's so good about feeling bad?

Deborah says:
I know I feel good when I go to the gym. Or walk. Or swim. So when I’m feeling bad why don’t I just race over to the exercise bike so I’ll feel better? Especially when I KNOW I’ll feel better?

Did anyone else have a tough 2011? Most of my friends did. I know I had challenges at the day job, with my home, with my heart, with some friends and physically, as well. I was beginning to feel like there wasn’t a safe place left to go. I know that having my home broken (flood damage) for ten months now has left me feeling as if I have no haven, no safe place. The gym. And yet I’ve struggled to get there. It doesn’t feel good to feel bad, but sometimes, when you’re on the couch and home for the day, it seems really hard to get ass to gym – and I have to tell youin my case it’s just across the hall.

Is it those old habits again? Just sit here, shove some food on it and you’ll feel better! But I know I won’t. I know what will make me feel better, even for a short time, will be eating an apple and riding the bike or going for a swim. I know that after that, I’ll be energetic and productive and, most important, not hungry for the rest of the evening. And yet knowing that, I still sit with said ass on said couch and wonder why I’m not crossing the hall to that awaiting bike.

I know, by now you’re hoping I’m going to give you a huge secret here – the answer for how to find hidden motivation within yourself. Well, sorry, if there is an answer when you’re in this state, I don’t know what it is. I just know that most days I don’t let myself go to bed until I’ve been to the gym. Sometimes, I only ride the bike for ten minutes. Sometimes it’s at 10:00 at night. But at least I got there and moved a little. And I have to say, a lot of times once I’m at the gym, ten minutes turns into twenty or thirty – but not always.

And I think it’s really important to say that if feeling bad is bringing you down, and you can’t get yourself moving, please talk to someone. There are lots of people (doctors, psychologists, help-lines, friends) that can help you in lots of ways. Sometimes it’s just meeting someone for a walk and sometimes it might be a visit to your doctor. But ask. Part of the stop lying is not lying about being able to do everything alone. So call a friend and meet them at the gym, I’m going to go and watch some trash TV while I’m on the elliptical – now that will make me feel better.

Arlene says:
Now add having a cold to the lack of motivation and man is it hard to stop the lying, the “I feel lousy so I’ll have comfort food.” But you don’t feel better, now it’s that all over achey feeling and guilt, yuck. This time I tried to have my favourite fruits readily available, so to hell with winter prices I had prepped strawberries, pineapple and blackberries ready. I limited the toast to one and had some pretty fruit and felt better.

It also matters what I’m reading. Even though I like mysteries I find that if I’m stressed I need to read more positive, optimistic stories. I need to be around stories of hope, challenge and creativity not death and murder. Watching Sir Ken Robinson on YouTube helps too. Turn to anyone who helps you stay genuine and Stop Lying.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Deborah says:
Finally – a holiday that doesn’t involve an overloaded buffet table, with your great aunt Blanche bringing her 5000 calorie baked yams covered in marshmallows and caramelized sugar, with candied pecans.

St Patrick’s Day is a drinking holiday. Green beer! No calories in beverages, right? And no calories in the wings and burgers and fries you eat after you’ve had three or four beers, right?
Intentions, people, intentions. There are a couple of problems here, though. My intentions when I go to the bar are to have a glass of wine, a burger and a salad. I make it fit in my day, I may be high in my fat grams, but I also make sure I swim it off the next day (figuratively, not literally). The problem? Well, that one glass of wine turns into two glasses, and by the time I have two glasses of wine (I’m a cheap drunk) I’m ordering anything deep fried. That problem is that takes my caloric intake (Weight Watcher points in my universe) from about 30 for that meal to almost 60 by the time I’m done (or higher if I then switch to Cosmos). Not only have I ingested 100% more calories and fat than I intended, but (for me) I’ve awoken that part of my brain again too – and for me, that’s the killer. It’s why I don’t eat potato chips. It’s because after I eat them (or yummy salty deep fried food) I think about them. A lot. And I try and rationalize how to fit them into my regular diet, and that it’s okay to cheat once in a while, and that it’s really about the 80/20 rule, right? (which soon becomes the 50/50 rule or worse). My body doesn’t betray me, I know I can eventually burn things off and lose weight but my brain will betray me.
So what do you do? Not go out? Hell no! You have to have fun – you’re trying to get a life back, not sit at home like a skinny nun. But you have to make a plan. My plan this year, knowing my behavior, is to go in and order dinner when I order my first drink. I’ll ask them to hold it if we’re going to be sitting for a while, but at least I’m making my decision before the wine clouds my judgment (I don’t drink beer by the way – even when it’s green). And if I sneak a fry or two off someone’s plate, way less damage than an entire side of fries on mine.

The real secret? Insight. Be honest with yourself about how you behave in these kind of situations. After that, it’s much easier to Stop Lying, make a plan that works for you and stick to it.

So what are you going to do for St. Patrick’s Day? Or even the next time you’re just out at the pub with some friends?

Arlene says:
I love St. Patrick’s Day. I hope to go to a bar that is playing Celtic music and the crowd is lively and everyone’s friendly. I wear my highly appropriate head band with the four leaf clovers on springs and fit right in.

Our usual approach to keep us safe from overeating bar food is to have supper at home first. When St. Patty’s is a week night that is easier. We have a quick stir fry at home and then head off with happy tummies and plan to limit to two Kilkenny’s or Guinness because it is a work day tomorrow. This year it’s a Saturday?! Perfect for the … let’s get there early, grab a good table, and order nachos or wings … then the boxty perhaps or the puff pastry topped irish stew or the burger and fries…. Hmmm, could be a problem.

My plan, yep I have to have a plan, is to be the driver, so max two beers again and that’s assuming we are there for four hours (okay I know that’s true). I make sure I order water after each beer and nurse that. No pop, if I don’t drink I order ginger ale, but if I’m drinking I don’t want the extra sugar from pop, so good ole H2O it is. My sweetie isn’t an appy guy, I’m usually the culprit so we will order one appy to share and it will likely be a slightly healthy veggie dip or perhaps a calamari (as long as it isn’t deep fried). We will nurse that a while and then order making sure the sides are vegetables, salad or soup – no fries. The final part of the plan, to keep the focus on fun and music rather than food and drink, is to dance! The best thing about Irish music is you can do anything to it! You don’t even need beer to do River Dancing. So go out, have fun and make a great plan!